The State Fair, “the great Minnesota get-together,” and family picnics can help melt polarized politics. Photo: Andrew Von Bank, Minnesota House of Representatives Session Daily
Speaking at a church in the fall of 2022, Dr. Arthur Brooks opened by asking for a show of hands if you experienced family tensions arising from political polarization. I raised my hand, along with nearly everyone else in the audience. “I’ll just round that up to 100 percent,” he said.
His presentation, part of the Faith & Life series at St. Philip the Deacon Lutheran church in a Minneapolis suburb, was titled “Faith & A Better Future: Renewal in a Time of Outrage.” One in six Americans is not talking to a family member today because of politics, and that is unfortunate because family is one of the core parts of the happiness equation, he says.
Brooks’ name has appeared previously in these posts, specifically, relating to his 2022 book, From Strength to Strength – Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life. If you are not yet in the second half, you will be soon; yes, time does seem to go by faster as your years accumulate.
The 2026 roster of the Faith & Life series at St. Philip the Deacon Lutheran church includes Dr. Francis Collins, April 26, entitled “Allies, Not Enemies.” I will plan to be there. Collins, the former head of the National Institutes of Health, appears in two previous Words on Paper posts, Reduce the Rancor (May 8), and Darkness at Noon on the Road to Wisdom (Nov. 13, 2024).
Then and now
My interest in attending Brooks’ talk in 2022 stemmed from having read his book recently. I had anticipated that he would talk more about that, and the timing fit a book promotional tour. Instead, he admonished the packed house to play nice when among others of the polar opposite political viewpoint, family members and relatives in particular.
Much has changed in the world of politics since then. After Jan. 20 of this year, the manifestations of the new administration went far beyond the norms and well into a dysfunctional, dystopian political nightmare. I’m guessing that it has further strained family relationships.
In 2022 it was much easier compared with now to keep relationships and communication open with people close to you, close in terms of family and friendships, but far apart in political beliefs and viewpoints. On one side of our extended family, we continued to meet and socialize, understanding that we would not discuss politics. No longer, at least for the time being.
The other side continues to gather one or two times a year. It’s almost certain that all did not vote for the same candidate. At the same time, I see no evidence that some who may have voted for current presidential office holder, did so while not brainwashed by ‘Faux News’ and blinded by the MAGA cult. There are sincere loyalists who hold their nose while voting for the party’s candidate no matter who it is.
It must be challenging these days for Brooks to preach about the ‘happiness equation’. Recently I signed up for his newsletter, “The Art and Science of Happiness.” A professor, writer, and public speaker, he says “My personal mission is to lift people up and bring them together in bonds of happiness and love, using science and ideas.”
Finding happiness
I hope to learn ideas and methods to heal or at least bridge the current chasm many families face in today’s divisive politics. One route may be reading Brooks’ new book, The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life. Or at least the first chapter, which he makes available to his newsletter subscribers.
The simple answer according to Brooks is to manage your life in a way that leads to truly valuable rewards: love, enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning—in other words, happiness. The problem is, while you can try to manage your life that way, you still may feel helpless, fearful, and frustrated at seeing our society, its government, its norms being violated and trashed by a cult-like minority fearfully obedient to a deeply flawed yet charismatic leader.
I would like very much to share this with an old acquaintance from high school days who still seems to worship that person. Recently he left a snarky comment derisive about Democrats in response to something that had been posted on my Facebook page. I resisted the urge to fire back a response. Yet, even if I had, and we were to meet up later, due to his good-natured personality and my weakness for tolerance, we would have an amiable if not consensual conversation.
Along with family, friendship is one of the main cores of happiness according to Brooks. His third core is faith or philosophy. Happiness depends less on circumstances and more on intentional investment in these areas, according to Brooks. In faith, I pray every day that the majority of Americans now fearful about the future of our democracy, will cast their votes for candidates who value representative democracy and the rule of law. And that elections still matter.
U.S. Grant and Julia Dent
In a historical note I recall reading about the experience of Ulysses S. Grant, the general who won the Civil War against slavery and secession and served as U.S. president from 1869 to 1877. His wife, Julia Dent, came from a well-to-do family in Missouri, who owned slaves. His parents, fierce abolitionists from Illinois, refused to attend their wedding in August 1848.
“For the most part, Julia did not dwell on such unpleasantness and recorded a sweetly sanitized version of her first brush with the Grant family,” Ron Chernow writes in his 2017 biography of Grant. Upon visiting Grant’s parents, Julia wrote that her mother-in-law “gave me an affectionate welcome… she was the sweetest, kindest woman I ever met.”
However, in Chernow’s interpretation, “Although Jesse and Hannah Grant treated Julia with all civility, they could not detach her from their scathing critique of the Dents…” Perhaps the conflict and stress helped to condition General Grant in facing the forthcoming immense pressures arising from his role in leading the Union to victory in the first Civil War.
Return to our values
Now on the doorstep of what some have referred to as the second civil war, we hope and pray that the forces for democracy, the Constitution, the rule of law, facts and science, unfettered education, responsible channels of public information, pluralism, tolerance, truth, compassion, fairness, and community will prevail. Seeing various opinion polls and going about in the community, it seems a growing majority of Americans seek a return to these values.
What we need is less propaganda and posturing, fewer unfiltered and nasty tweets on social media, greater attention to accurate and factual news sources, and more personal contact. Getting to know our neighbors as people who may not have similar values and beliefs about family, purpose, and the meaning of life, and regardless of their skin color, faith, gender identity and language.
Perhaps a good place to start may be family picnics, or major events such as the upcoming Minnesota State Fair, “the great Minnesota get-together.” Among the nearly two million people who attend annually, you are likely to find many who would agree with the comment from one attending our recent family picnic: “I really enjoyed seeing and talking to you at the picnic. Having a big family who like each other is pure gold!”
